Hello my dude my bro (sry if gender assumption is unfounded). You have another name I may know you by?
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Nope I’m the one the only chesskid
Not to be confused with that weak flash in the pan hearthstone guy
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I said your name cuz you’re spittin fire
Werd.
I just noticed the timer down there re: cycle lengths. k
It’s nice to know who none of you are save sprityo and nutella. I am JaggedJimmyJay and people hate playing Mafia with me. Let’s have fun everyone.
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I like ActionDan’s single post opening more than Duskfall’s single post opening. The former gets a tilted-head nod like all the bros in my frat when we pass in the hall. The latter gets a stink face.
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Irrespective of your home forum, I’m certain that most (if not all) of you have already heard of me. Nevertheless, allow me to introduce myself. When I sign up for a game, people generally pray they roll the same alignment as me. The moderator of this very game once fearvigged me d1, under the (correct) assumption that I would trounce the game if I had been scum. I’m almost never nightkilled by mafia, simply because they enjoy playing with (and learning from!) me so much. I boast the highest winrate not only of users whose names start with U, but of those who end in T as well. My name is Urist, and I am the best mafia player on this site.
Many, many people (legions really) have tried to get me to write a guide on how to play this game. Until now, I haven’t had the time. I usually put my utmost into everything I do offsite as well as onsite; it’s part of what makes me such an incredible player! And that’s why I didn’t want to write one of these until I had a few hours to dedicate to it. Luckily for all of you, I happened to have some time this evening!
So, without further ado, here’s the long-awaited Urist’s Guide to Playing Mafia! If you have any questions, please save them until you’ve finished the entire post; some things that do not seem clear to you at the beginning might crystallize as you continue reading.
RULE ONE: Vote for scum
This seems like it might be an obvious thing to do, but a lot of people simply cannot grasp this concept and end up voting for town instead. I urge you to hold this rule in the forefront of your mind as you play this game, so that you might increase your odds of winning. If you feel tempted to vote for town, or if you feel like you’ve become lost in a mire of shitposts, simply glance at the votecount and check whom I’m voting for. Chances are, that person is mafia.
RULE TWO: Use your abilities properly
Again, this is something that seems to escape a lot of people. If you have an ability, you should try to use it in a way that benefits the town as much as possible. This means that if you’re a doctor, you should protect me. If you’re a watcher, you should watch me. If you’re a vigilante, you should kill my scum reads. If you follow this simple rule, your friends will soon be crying, “THIS guy knows how to play mafia!”
RULE THREE: Don’t throw
Ok, I know that this rule is a bit vague. But it’s definitely important! An example of throwing would be saying something like, “I’m not sure if Urist is correct here.” This is considered throwing on this site because it paints you in a bad light when I do end up being correct. Just imagine, I point out all of the scum on d1 and we lynch one of them, even though you object to that lynch. But then I die night one and there’s nobody left who’s good enough to realize that you’re actually just bad town. One thing leads to another and suddenly we’re looking at a scum sweep. The embarrassing thing is that if you’d just kept your mouth shut like a good little sheep, none of that would have happened and it would have been an easy win. So please, don’t throw.
In conclusion, if you follow the three simple rules above, you should be able to win, and maybe even enjoy yourself while you’re at it. 
Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.
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I am the greatest Mafia player of all time; you bore me.
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I think Jay is town here
I also agree with Chess’s fatmo read
I don’t think Key’s posts are necessarily scummy
Low-temperature legumes, whaddya think them posts are instead of necessarily scummy?
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Me too
you know what they say, the fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.
urist town for effort
if he’s scum he can have it
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honestly anyone who thinks i could be scum after handing town the keys to an ez win is an idiot
Doesn’t count because he knew no one would read it
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we both clearly fail that meaningless adage!
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nah i’m wise enough to subvert it
like super wise
what effort
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